When I was seventeen years old, I was told news that would forever change my life.
Nobody expects it; Nobody ever thinks they will be diagnosed with cancer. And yet, for an unfortunate minority, our worst nightmare becomes a reality. We are looking death in the eye, and it can sense our fear.
As I have just come out from thirty treatments – Chemotherapy, intrathecals, and radiotherapy – I feel it is time to discuss the impact this news had on my life. However, what I say may surprise you – I urge you to read and imagine your reaction, should you be placed into my shoes. I urge you to look at this not as a plea for pity; But a cause for great hope.
I remember it vividly; The x-ray of my chest had nurses flooding in, one after another, to look at it and nod solemnly in agreement. I was taken into a small room with my mother, and they broke the news.
“Your left lung is grossly abnormal,” they told me. “We’re sending you to A&E.”
And, as I would soon find out, that was only the beginning.
I look back, and see a rush of emotion; It seemed like an eternity, and yet it went so quickly. Next thing I knew, I was in the ward being told I needed a biopsy. I cried; I was afraid. Then, the worst part came; the gruelling five day wait which would give me the results. But impatience breeds negative emotions, and in crisis we don’t have time for that. I spent my days trying to focus on something- anything- to distract me.
“Non Hodgkin’s lymphoma.”
“Stage four.”
“Chemotherapy.”
I am certain that not many people my age can say they have faced death. I envy those people – and I hope they never, ever have to face it. It’s a horrible experience, knowing you could die before your life has even started.
However; This is what I wish to talk about.
I am thriving. Seven months have passed since my diagnosis, and I am a completely different person. When I arrived in hospital, I was depressed and full of anxiety – But that person, that version of me, is gone. She no longer exists.
I am a new person. I am a better person; a much more healthy person. My life is meaningful, whereas before I would have told you the opposite was true. And the reason for that?
Cancer is a terrible, awful thing. I would never wish it on anyone, and if I had to go through it all again, I’m not sure how I’d cope. However, it happened to me – and when you can’t change something, you have to make the best of it. Such is life, right?
I made the best of my diagnosis – and I am thriving. I no longer exist as a girl who hates life, or a girl who is filled with such intense sadness she can’t function. I exist as a girl who is ready to begin her life, anew.
I want you all to stop and think of all the things you’d love to do. Maybe it’s to learn a new language, to travel across the world, or to chase your childhood dream – all the things you never had time for. That is where your life can really begin. Find a passion, and pursue it. Chase your dreams. Do something with your life that people will never forget.
Make your life a story worth telling. Not for other people – but for yourself.
Life is short, and it is a fragile thing. I never realised this until I was faced with reality; You could be gone tomorrow. I could be gone tomorrow. Isn’t that frightening? Doesn’t it make you want to pack your bags and take that trip you’ve always dreamt of?
I am writing this essay to inspire – to show you all that life is a beautiful thing. A fragile thing. Life is about living; Not existing. I drifted through my teenage years, consumed by sadness. But I have changed that – because I can’t bear the thought of dying with nothing to show for my life. I can’t bear the thought of dying without having done the things I wanted to do.
I refuse to drift anymore. I refuse to exist without living. I want to live, to be free – and to make it count. I believe that we all need dreams to pursue, and I want you all to think long and hard: Are you happy?
You have the key to your own happiness; So go, pursue your dreams. Pursue happiness. We often don’t know we’re lost until we find ourselves.
I write this in the hope that someone, somewhere, might take the step they never believed they could take. I write this in the hope that someone will read it and realise how wonderful a thing life is. It’s short. It’s hard, too. But that does not mean we can’t make it into something beautiful. Life is a beautiful thing; an amazing thing.
Adventure, because you just might learn something about yourself.
Take one step at a time, and watch the flowers bloom.
Live, because you never know what tomorrow may hold.
Quote Lana ” We often don’t know we’re until we find ourselves” – inspirational! So happy to hear of your excellent recovery Lana. God Bless. Teresa xxx
And I was just wodnreing about that too!
“We often don’t know we’re LOST. until we find ourselves”
Your cranium must be prcotteing some very valuable brains.
This was absolutely amazing. I could feel the emotion as I was reading, and it moved me to tears! Such an inspiring and very important message!
This inoirmatfon is off the hizool!
Keep you chin up and always look forward.
Get that trip to iceland booked!
Your article was excnelelt and erudite.
Your posting really stgnirhteaed me out. Thanks!